|
DO
|
DON'T
|
| Do
listen patiently. They are trying to sort out their feelings.
Verbalizing them with someone who will listen helps. Expect and
allow them to repeat themselves and to bring the subject up again
later. Listen for clues to their deeper feelings to which you
can respond later. |
Don't
shut them off by changing the subject. |
| Do
reassure them that we all make mistakes, and all religions teach
that our mistakes/sins can be forgiven. God wants to forgive us.
All we have to do is to admit that we need and desire it. |
Don't
condemn them for making a bad or immoral choice. |
| Do
reassure them that their feelings are normal. Others have experienced
the same thing and found healing. Build up a sense of hope that
they can be healed and reconciled with God and their child in
heaven. |
Don't
deny that they lost a child. |
| Do
allow them to vent their anger toward others. Remind them that
it is a sign of an even deeper hurt that lies beneath the anger.
Encourage them to get in touch with both the anger and the hurt,
which they need to do before they can "let go" of their
anger and approach forgiveness. Encourage them to see that the
people they blame were also confused, scared, or just looking
for the fastest way out of a hard situation. |
Don't
encourage them to blame others for the abortion. But don't
push them to forgive others either, especially when they are in
the initial stages of venting their anger and rage. |
| Do
allow them to regret their choice. Remind them that we all
learn from our mistakes. Women and men who have found healing
after an abortion often become more humble, compassionate, and
sensitive. Even a negative experience can be used to help others.
|
Don't
insist that they did the "right thing" or the "best
thing" at the time. |
| Do
encourage them to entrust their child completely to the care of
God. Reassure them that, on a spiritual level, their loss is only
temporary. Someday they can be with their child in heaven, and
they will be able to ask for, and receive, their child's forgiveness.
|
Don't
suggest that having another child "someday" can make
up for the one that was lost. Future children are a blessing and
comfort, but they can never replace the child who was lost. |
| Do
give them a copy of this publication*, an 800 number to a post-abortion
hotline, or some other referral information. If you don't have
it on hand, promise to get it to them within the week. Then keep
your promise. |
Don't
leave them without encouraging them, over and over again, to find
and accept the help of post-abortion counselors or peer support
groups. |
| Do
show that you care by keeping in touch and continuing to be
a sounding board for them. Make at least one follow up call to
see how they are doing. |
Don't
be afraid to follow up. |
